I went into a McDonald’s whilst in France a couple of weeks back, (I don’t know if it’s the same in the UK or US), and had the following conversation with girl behind the till:

Me: Can I have a small coke please?

McD’s: A medium?

Me: No, just a small coke please.

McD’s: Yes, a medium.

Me: No, I want the small coke.

McD’s: The small coke is the medium.

Me: How can the small coke be the Medium!? If the small coke is called a Medium, then what do you call the medium coke?

McD’s: A Large coke.

Me: No, seriously? A small is called a Medium and a medium is called a Large? What do you call the big coke?

McD’s: A Maxi.

Me: Get me my gun!

Lindsay Lohan looked visably shocked last Tuesday when Judge Marsha sentenced her to 90 days for violating her drink-driving probation. But a spokesman in the Sheriff’s Department confirmed that she will likely serve only 14 days!

Because Lindsay is a nonviolent offender, she is eligible to serve only 25% of her sentence, which has already been reduced to 51 days due to prison overcrowding.

It’s bad enough that last time she only went to jail for a pathetic 84 minutes, (just long enough to beat Nicole Richie’s 82 minute stretch), but now rumours are that she’ll earn more money from her post-jail interview than she ever made acting!

Get me my gun!